On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.
On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for next ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Crazy jokes...
What is the Opposite of STD - No TD.
Why Mosquitoes do not fly above the sea - Because Tortoise lives in the sea.
Why B is affected by cold - It is in between AC.
Two elephants went inside a sugarcane farm, one ate sugarcane but the other didn't, why is it so - The other
elephant is Diabetic.
A crow laid egg while it was flying but the egg didn't break, How? - It was wearing Diapers.
Once an hunter was chasing an elephant, the elephant ran into a forest, on the way it met its Ant friend,
Ant : Hey, why are you running?
Elephant : Hunter is chasing me.
Ant (Generously) : You come and hide behind me.
Elephant : ??!
An elephant was discharged from an hospital after an operation, on the way he met his friend Ant, the ant
said something to the elephant, on hearing that the elephant fainted, what was that? - It said "I only gave blood
for your operation".
While chatting at the beach, the lovers spoke to each other:
female : Oh! my dear, we are lovers for more than three years now.
Have you not thought about our marriage?
If I regret, will you feel bad?
male : I will discuss this matter with my wife and let you know
tomorrow.
female : [without any shock or surprise, replied calmly] You are also
married!
male : "...."
Proverbs(?): "Golden" Words of College Students
1) "Most certainly common sense would check many divorces".
"Yes, it would prevent just as many marriages".
2) APOLOGY : Something said which you didn't really mean.
3) It's quite easy to be good and lazy. It takes a lot of energy and imagination to be active and naughty.
4) Worries are hereditary, parents have them from their sons and daughters.
5) Drinking a soft drink with a straw is like kissing a girl through proxy.
Why Mosquitoes do not fly above the sea - Because Tortoise lives in the sea.
Why B is affected by cold - It is in between AC.
Two elephants went inside a sugarcane farm, one ate sugarcane but the other didn't, why is it so - The other
elephant is Diabetic.
A crow laid egg while it was flying but the egg didn't break, How? - It was wearing Diapers.
Once an hunter was chasing an elephant, the elephant ran into a forest, on the way it met its Ant friend,
Ant : Hey, why are you running?
Elephant : Hunter is chasing me.
Ant (Generously) : You come and hide behind me.
Elephant : ??!
An elephant was discharged from an hospital after an operation, on the way he met his friend Ant, the ant
said something to the elephant, on hearing that the elephant fainted, what was that? - It said "I only gave blood
for your operation".
While chatting at the beach, the lovers spoke to each other:
female : Oh! my dear, we are lovers for more than three years now.
Have you not thought about our marriage?
If I regret, will you feel bad?
male : I will discuss this matter with my wife and let you know
tomorrow.
female : [without any shock or surprise, replied calmly] You are also
married!
male : "...."
Proverbs(?): "Golden" Words of College Students
1) "Most certainly common sense would check many divorces".
"Yes, it would prevent just as many marriages".
2) APOLOGY : Something said which you didn't really mean.
3) It's quite easy to be good and lazy. It takes a lot of energy and imagination to be active and naughty.
4) Worries are hereditary, parents have them from their sons and daughters.
5) Drinking a soft drink with a straw is like kissing a girl through proxy.
The Three answers by a girl!!!!!!! (lol) Too Funny...
This is absolutely correct….
(Three answers most feared by men)
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
(Three answers most feared by men)
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
How to start your day at IT Job with a positive attitude...
1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it " Boss "
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?
HAVE A NICE DAY
2. Name it " Boss "
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?
HAVE A NICE DAY
Even God has a Sense of Humor!!
God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
One of the angels asked...
"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"
God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA",
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
The angel was quite surprised:
"But god you said everything should be in balance."
God replied -- "Look at the neighbours I gave them."
And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
One of the angels asked...
"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"
God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA",
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
The angel was quite surprised:
"But god you said everything should be in balance."
God replied -- "Look at the neighbours I gave them."
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