Oye! mil gaya !!! Finally INTELLIGENT sardar mil gaya
Oye! mil gaya !!! Finally INTELLIGENT sardar mil gaya
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After a long drive, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use...
But we didn't use them', the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows,' sardarji complains again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have', the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies 'But we didn't use it'. The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
'But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for $100.' 'That's right,' says the sardarji,
'I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well,' the Sardarji replies, 'she was here, and you could have.'
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After a long drive, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use...
But we didn't use them', the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows,' sardarji complains again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have', the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies 'But we didn't use it'. The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
'But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for $100.' 'That's right,' says the sardarji,
'I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well,' the Sardarji replies, 'she was here, and you could have.'
Pakistan International Airline (PIA)
Pakistan International Airline (PIA)
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your
captain Welcoming both
seated and standing passengers on board of PIA. We
apologize for the
four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad
weather and some overtime I
had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 717 to Lahore. Landing there is not
guaranteed, but we will
end up somewhere in Pakistan. And, if luck is in our
favour, we may even be
landing on your village!
PIA has an excellent safety-record. . In fact, our
safety standards are so
high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this
year, over 30% of our
passengers have reached their
destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can arrange
to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth
pleasant and memorable,
we are the only airline who can help you find out if
there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie
will not be shown as
we forgot to record it from the television. However,
for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline,
where their movie will be
visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any
smoke you see in the cabin
is only the early warning system on the engines
telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly
as close as possible
for the best view. If however, we go a little too
close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right
through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright
position for take-off and
fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find
a seat- belt, kindly
fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for
those of you who
can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch
with a stewardess who
will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.'
'Thanking you all for choosing PIA to fly for the
first and probably the
last time.'
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your
captain Welcoming both
seated and standing passengers on board of PIA. We
apologize for the
four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad
weather and some overtime I
had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 717 to Lahore. Landing there is not
guaranteed, but we will
end up somewhere in Pakistan. And, if luck is in our
favour, we may even be
landing on your village!
PIA has an excellent safety-record. . In fact, our
safety standards are so
high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this
year, over 30% of our
passengers have reached their
destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can arrange
to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth
pleasant and memorable,
we are the only airline who can help you find out if
there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie
will not be shown as
we forgot to record it from the television. However,
for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline,
where their movie will be
visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any
smoke you see in the cabin
is only the early warning system on the engines
telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly
as close as possible
for the best view. If however, we go a little too
close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right
through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright
position for take-off and
fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find
a seat- belt, kindly
fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for
those of you who
can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch
with a stewardess who
will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.'
'Thanking you all for choosing PIA to fly for the
first and probably the
last time.'
Exam fever special offer
Three Examinations special
Ø Special offer........Bring a chit on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest teacher and win free trip to Principal's office and enjoy 3 years vacation at home.
Hurry offer valid until exams only....
Ø It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write our exam once (excluding supplementary). Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees.
Say NO to EXAMS
Ø Student's declaration at the end of answer paper. Reminds me of
Disclaimer Notices!
"I hereby declare that answers written above r true 2d best of mine & my friend's knowledge & I claim no responsibility whatsoever 4any mistakes. Whatever I have written is truly fictitious & any resemblance with the Subject Matter is purely Coincidental.."
Ø Special offer........Bring a chit on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest teacher and win free trip to Principal's office and enjoy 3 years vacation at home.
Hurry offer valid until exams only....
Ø It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write our exam once (excluding supplementary). Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees.
Say NO to EXAMS
Ø Student's declaration at the end of answer paper. Reminds me of
Disclaimer Notices!
"I hereby declare that answers written above r true 2d best of mine & my friend's knowledge & I claim no responsibility whatsoever 4any mistakes. Whatever I have written is truly fictitious & any resemblance with the Subject Matter is purely Coincidental.."
KALYUG KA MATHEMATICS
1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT .
2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.
6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.
7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt
11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
12.) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger
than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya'sFilm.
13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol
14.) Time waste - Time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi
15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas
16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie
17.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder
18.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass
19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie
20.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra
1 Lady - 1 Brain = Aishwarya Rai
1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat
1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta
2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.
6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.
7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt
11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
12.) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger
than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya'sFilm.
13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol
14.) Time waste - Time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi
15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas
16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie
17.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder
18.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass
19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie
20.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra
1 Lady - 1 Brain = Aishwarya Rai
1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat
1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta
Logic! - Funny one
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing
except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!
except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!
Hyderabadi Hindi "Chindiyaa hai"...good Joke Blasts your stomach
In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is "HOWLA". His father is ambitious to educate 'HOWLA'. 'HOWLA' goes to school located in Afzalgunj. Its principal is educated in Urdu medium high school and claims that he passed tenth class!
There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows :
Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa(questions) puchinga. Sab achchaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main uske pairaan thodtoom.
HOWLA: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya kochchanaa puchta kathey?
Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan aati. Tereku main absent nai daalthaum. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.
So our HOWLA is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is Not going to school the next day.
Father: Yeah kyaa hai... ischool hai ya paan dabba? G**d pe maartoom saale tu ischool nai gaya to.
HOWLA: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.
Father: UskO akhal hai!? Begum suno! HOWLA ischool nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga? HOWLA, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaum.
So HOWLA cries and finally agrees to go to school.
Next day at school, Teacher is very upset to see HOWLA back.
Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kyun aaya re?
HOWLA: Mera bava g**d phodtum bola ischool nai gaya to.
Teacher: offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aya to chchup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri g**d lag jayingi.
So HOWLA goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind a tall guy.
Inspector comes for the visit.
Inspector: Adaab...!
Teacher: Adaab saab...!!! Bachey acha padrain saab. Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte.
Inspector: Abaa? Offo! Ithney kilever hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa,
ek bahuth easy sawaal - - -
Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?
Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!
Imtiyaz: Saab, Khaleja (HEART) saab.
Inspector: Aisa! ..... woh kyun?
Imtiyaz: Saab, khaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab.
Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?
Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.
Akram: Saab bheja(Brain) saab..! Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey, iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab.
Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu.
Chu**ye ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!
In the meantime, HOWLA is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him. He thinks HOWLA is hiding because he does not know the answer.
Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam kya hai?
Teacher: kaun saab? ........Woh! (iski *** ki, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh HOWLA hai saab.
Inspector: HOWLA? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai naamaan! HOWLA, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?
HOWLA: Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringa saab.>
Inspector: Tereku yaa mereku??
Teacher: Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum aapku. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey HOWLA, answer maloom hain to bol, nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap, tere pau padthaum.
HOWLA: Saab answer G**d hai saab.
Teacher: Allah!!! Ino moo khola meri g**d lag gayi re!!!
Inspector: Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan karthey!
Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? G**d kahaan kaa answer hai re?
HOWLA: Hau saab, g**d ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku boletho wahaan pe dilli mein baamb
phata....Yahan Hydrabad mein apni g**d phat thi.. Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hothey....wahaan new city mein sabki g**d phat thi gadbadaan wahaan phailtey kyaaki bolkey. Uttaa kyoon saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki g**d phatrai dekho!!!!
************************************************** ****************************************
Its very easy and fun to hyderabadi speak… Some of the words are below:
Never say nahi use “nakkoâ€
Replace haan with “haoâ€
Don't ask kyun say “kaikuâ€
If confused just say “maire ku kya maloomâ€
We call Stupid “haula†in hyderabadi…
Some of the used sentences….(try to read it in normal hindi accent)
“Khaali pili tum logan time kaiku waste kar rahe … lite lo mama…..â€
—–> why you people are wasting your time just chill.
“baigan ki tumhari…. Kya houla ho gaya kya?? Kaiku dum karra ? panchkad khayega phukat mein “
——> “brinjal of yours…. Have you gone mad .??why are you irritating me ? you will unnecessarily get a slap from me.
"Kya mamu, kya baataan karte tum"
->Dude, what are you talking
"aage kuch bhi nakko poocho miyan!"
->don't ask anything more dude
"hau re, Hyderabad me to aisa hi hota"
-> Yes buddy, this is how it happens in Hyderabad
"pata nai kaiku dimag kharab karre yaaro subah subah"
"Yaaro, unne dhakkan logaan hai, unno kya maalum ki Hyderabadi hindi aisai bolte"
-> what should I say about those jerks, we speak Hindi like this only in Hyderabad
"kya mamu, kaise hain tum... aaj kal dikhraich nai?"
->long time no see
"hona bol ke"
-> Wantedly
“kya to bhi hai ye… maakikirkiriâ€
——-> whats that man … maakikirkiri
Here in Hyderabad if you ask for direction then the answer you get is
"seedha chale jao"
"tumhaareku pachhees turnaa lena padta" (you have to take 25 turns)
People here use "parso" for yesterday dayafter or 1 month or 1 year back.
and the most popular, In case of any problem just say
“lite le mamu “
this is the language of general crowd in hyderabad. I am sure most of you must be finding it difficult to understand but if you stay in Hyderabad then you should atleast give it a try.
“Bhai logan try karne main kya zarraâ€.
Ain't it fun!!! "Chindiyaa hai" (Superb)!
There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows :
Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa(questions) puchinga. Sab achchaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main uske pairaan thodtoom.
HOWLA: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya kochchanaa puchta kathey?
Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan aati. Tereku main absent nai daalthaum. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.
So our HOWLA is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is Not going to school the next day.
Father: Yeah kyaa hai... ischool hai ya paan dabba? G**d pe maartoom saale tu ischool nai gaya to.
HOWLA: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.
Father: UskO akhal hai!? Begum suno! HOWLA ischool nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga? HOWLA, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaum.
So HOWLA cries and finally agrees to go to school.
Next day at school, Teacher is very upset to see HOWLA back.
Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kyun aaya re?
HOWLA: Mera bava g**d phodtum bola ischool nai gaya to.
Teacher: offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aya to chchup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri g**d lag jayingi.
So HOWLA goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind a tall guy.
Inspector comes for the visit.
Inspector: Adaab...!
Teacher: Adaab saab...!!! Bachey acha padrain saab. Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte.
Inspector: Abaa? Offo! Ithney kilever hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa,
ek bahuth easy sawaal - - -
Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?
Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!
Imtiyaz: Saab, Khaleja (HEART) saab.
Inspector: Aisa! ..... woh kyun?
Imtiyaz: Saab, khaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab.
Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?
Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.
Akram: Saab bheja(Brain) saab..! Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey, iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab.
Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu.
Chu**ye ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!
In the meantime, HOWLA is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him. He thinks HOWLA is hiding because he does not know the answer.
Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam kya hai?
Teacher: kaun saab? ........Woh! (iski *** ki, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh HOWLA hai saab.
Inspector: HOWLA? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai naamaan! HOWLA, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?
HOWLA: Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringa saab.>
Inspector: Tereku yaa mereku??
Teacher: Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum aapku. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey HOWLA, answer maloom hain to bol, nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap, tere pau padthaum.
HOWLA: Saab answer G**d hai saab.
Teacher: Allah!!! Ino moo khola meri g**d lag gayi re!!!
Inspector: Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan karthey!
Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? G**d kahaan kaa answer hai re?
HOWLA: Hau saab, g**d ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku boletho wahaan pe dilli mein baamb
phata....Yahan Hydrabad mein apni g**d phat thi.. Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hothey....wahaan new city mein sabki g**d phat thi gadbadaan wahaan phailtey kyaaki bolkey. Uttaa kyoon saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki g**d phatrai dekho!!!!
************************************************** ****************************************
Its very easy and fun to hyderabadi speak… Some of the words are below:
Never say nahi use “nakkoâ€
Replace haan with “haoâ€
Don't ask kyun say “kaikuâ€
If confused just say “maire ku kya maloomâ€
We call Stupid “haula†in hyderabadi…
Some of the used sentences….(try to read it in normal hindi accent)
“Khaali pili tum logan time kaiku waste kar rahe … lite lo mama…..â€
—–> why you people are wasting your time just chill.
“baigan ki tumhari…. Kya houla ho gaya kya?? Kaiku dum karra ? panchkad khayega phukat mein “
——> “brinjal of yours…. Have you gone mad .??why are you irritating me ? you will unnecessarily get a slap from me.
"Kya mamu, kya baataan karte tum"
->Dude, what are you talking
"aage kuch bhi nakko poocho miyan!"
->don't ask anything more dude
"hau re, Hyderabad me to aisa hi hota"
-> Yes buddy, this is how it happens in Hyderabad
"pata nai kaiku dimag kharab karre yaaro subah subah"
"Yaaro, unne dhakkan logaan hai, unno kya maalum ki Hyderabadi hindi aisai bolte"
-> what should I say about those jerks, we speak Hindi like this only in Hyderabad
"kya mamu, kaise hain tum... aaj kal dikhraich nai?"
->long time no see
"hona bol ke"
-> Wantedly
“kya to bhi hai ye… maakikirkiriâ€
——-> whats that man … maakikirkiri
Here in Hyderabad if you ask for direction then the answer you get is
"seedha chale jao"
"tumhaareku pachhees turnaa lena padta" (you have to take 25 turns)
People here use "parso" for yesterday dayafter or 1 month or 1 year back.
and the most popular, In case of any problem just say
“lite le mamu “
this is the language of general crowd in hyderabad. I am sure most of you must be finding it difficult to understand but if you stay in Hyderabad then you should atleast give it a try.
“Bhai logan try karne main kya zarraâ€.
Ain't it fun!!! "Chindiyaa hai" (Superb)!
Jackie Chan VS Balayya
Jackie Chan VS Balayya
________________________________________
Our Tollywood shooting star BalaKrishna his fan call him as Balayya is going to America.He travelling in a flight and happens to get a seat beside Jackie Chan . but Balayya doesnt know
that he isJackie Chan. their conversation goes like this
- Balayya: hello. (smiles and shakes his head)
Jackie Chan: hi, how do u do
Balayya: great. i am returning from Pandurangadu shooting in U.S
Jackie Chan: really ? cool. i am an actor myself
Balayya: i am a great actor
Jackie Chan: says who
Balayya: myself
Jackie Chan: (blank face) Good for you. they say i am a good actor too. i won a couple oscars also
Balayya: i won a couple vamsee berkeley awards
Jackie Chan: i can see that
Balayya: my father was greatest actor in the world
Jackie Chan: (surprised) dont tell me you are paul newman s only son
Balayya: i am tenth son of NTR
Jackie Chan: who is NTR
Balayya: he is the greatest actor in the world
Jackie Chan: wow and all these days i was wondering if that would be paul newman or Marlon
Brando. can you name a movie of your father s ?
Balayya: superman
Jackie Chan: now you confuse me. i thought christopher reeves was superman
Balayya: acting is in my blood
Jackie Chan: interesting. i have haemoglobin in my blood
Balayya: my father was a great actor
Jackie Chan: youve said that before
Balayya: ok. theres not much more to talk for me
Jackie Chan: i would love to see some of your work
Balayya: (pulls a DVD out of his bag) here watch this
Jackie Chan: what is it
Balayya: its my latest movie seema simham .. which means lion of the area
Jackie Chan: interesting. After seeing the DVD for five minutes
Jackie Chan: (turning towards air hostess) can i be moved to a different seat please
Balayya: (smiles and shakes head)
After conversation with Balayya he moved to a another
seat in the same flight and it happens to be a next seat
of Jr.NTR. EVen Jr.Ntr doesn t that his Jackie Chan
Their conversation goes like this:
Jackie Chan: I couldn t believe that guy was saying his father NTR was the greatest actor in the world.
Jr.NTR: Nandamuri Taraka Rama RAo, NTR, is the greatest actor in the world and my babai (uncle) is next to him
Jackie Chan (with a surprise): Who are you?
Jr.NTR: I am the true successor of the great legend NTR.
Jackie Chan : Anyway, who are you???
Jr.NTR: NTR is my tata garu: it means his my grand father. He is always with me even though he is in the heaven. MY babai....
Jackie Chan: (cuts his conversation and says) Oh God, are you also an actor?
Jr.NTR: Yes, Even though my babai doesn t talk to me his blessing are always with me. His movies are inspired me. My babi and my tata ..
Jackie Chan: (again ineterrupts his talk and he doesn t want to talk anymore about movies and he wants to shift the conversation to something else)
Jackie Chan: ARe you married?
Jr.NTR: NO, but, I fell in love with the beautiful girl in the world.
Jackie Chan with a surprise looks) dont tell me you are in love with Kournikova
Jr.NTR: No, I am in love with sameera
Jackie Chan: Who is she?
JR.NTR : you dont know her (surprise in his face). She is pretty, I cannot explain it you. But, I promised my mom and to the industry people that I never propose her to marry me.
Jackie Chan: Why?
Jr.NTR: They think it spoils my carrer.
Jackie Chan: Dont say that Holly wood industry said to you like that
Jr.NTR: NO Tollywood industry. My tata and my babai are responsible for raising of tollywood industry to this level. MY babai acted in two great movies. He really inspired me......
Jackie Chan ( angry, frustrated and cuts his bajana and asks): what is your name?
Jr.NTR: NTR, my mother put this name because my tata and my babai......
Jackie Chan is so confused and ready to get down of that flight at next stop because the next
available empty seat is besides no other than Mr.Nandamuri kalyanram
balayya and magic mirror
balakrishana fans call him as balayya in front of magic mirror.
Posted by sattibabuattili at 4:42 AM 1 comments
Labels: balakrishna fun, balayya comedy, balayya fun, balayya jokes
Saturday, June 14, 2008
balayya moods
balayya moods
Posted by sattibabuattili at 10:29 PM 1 comments
Labels: balayya comedy, balayya fun, balayya images, balayya in hollywood bollywood, funny balayya
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The Conversation between balayya and AishwaryaRai
Hilarious conversation between Balayya and Aishwarya Rai
Nandamuri Bala Krishna (balayya) desperately wanted to rope in the
India's sizzling hot actess Aishwarya Rai in his next movie - Ambika
Productions or whatever. So he called up Aish. This is how the
conversation happened--
balayya: Hello Aishwarya jee, I am balakrishna
Aish: WHO???
balayya: It is me Aish jee, late N.T Rama Rao son. You
don't know me?
Aish: Which one? I heard he's got almost a dozen of
them.
balayya: Even I don't remeber which one. Do you read news
papers?
Aish: Yes, I do. why?
balayya: I did shooting last year and it came in all newspapers. It was
shown in TV also
Aish: Oh... So you just started ur career?
balayya: ababa nee yabba. No Aish jee. I mean not film shooting. Gun
shooting.
Aish: What???? You shot someone?
balayya: Yes. I shot the producer and one more guy. but i shot in the back
seat. So no death happened. You don't worry. I don't shoot heroines
Aish: You shot someone and You still doing films? How come?
Aren't u supposed to be in Jail?
balayya: hahahaha. kya Aish jee. tum bhi. I said I have mental.
but in real I dont have mental. I just acted. very big action.
It is in our family.
Aish: What is that in your family? Mental????
balayya: No Aish jee. Action is in our family. in our blood.
Aish: oh!
balayya: And they really belived i am mental. hahaha
Aish: You bet. I have already started to believe it.
balayya: what?
Aish: Nothing. You go ahead
balayya: I want u act with me as heroine in my new film.
Aish: Let me see ur pic? where can i see it?
balayya: You go to and see my pics. I am dancing
with katarnak kaif.
Aish: Yeah. I am there. What do I have to look for?
balayya: I don't know. I don't know internet. My director showed me on
his computer
Aish: Oh! Ok I will find myself. By the way it's katrina kaif
not katarnak kaif: But I call ker kathi. It is easy for me.
Aish: You look very short. How tall are u?
balayya: 5'5"
Aish: What?? I am 5'9"
balayya: So what? I wear very high heel shoes. always u dont wear shoes.
Problem solve. You acted in one movie with salman no?
Aish: Yeah but he has a great body and u r a fat azz with a big tummy
balayya: That no problem. I never do in-shirt. Always shirt outside only
Aish: Was that a wig u wearing in the pics?
balayya: Yes. I have hair. But not enough for films you know.
But don't worry. I have hair all over my body except on head.
Aish: In all my previous movies i ran my fingers through hero's hair? I
can't do that to u right?
balayya: No problem. You can do with my chest hair. that way it is romantic
also. My fans like my romance very much.
Aish: Ok. I wanna know u better. tell me about your last film
balayya: Oh. It is a movie called vijayendra varma. Power of Indian.
in that I made lot of actions. u shud see that film. i fight with Pakistan.
i don't know Hindi no? so i speak telugu with them. they understood.
but public did not understand. that’s why it became flop. i wanted to
shoot producer gain but already one case was going on no?
Aish: u spoke in telugu with Pakistanis? wow! why you
talking to me in English?
balayya: you very beautiful gal no? that’s why. so when u coming Hyderabad for
my film?
Aish: whattttt? do u think i am crazy to do a film
with you?
balayya: why? how much money u want? my producer will pay any
much u want otherwise i will shoot him no?
Aish: these days telugu songs are being played in channel V and MTV.
what would my friends think about me if they see me dancing with you?
balayya: pleaseeeeeeeeeeee
Aish: shut up and go shoot urself.
________________________________________
Our Tollywood shooting star BalaKrishna his fan call him as Balayya is going to America.He travelling in a flight and happens to get a seat beside Jackie Chan . but Balayya doesnt know
that he isJackie Chan. their conversation goes like this
- Balayya: hello. (smiles and shakes his head)
Jackie Chan: hi, how do u do
Balayya: great. i am returning from Pandurangadu shooting in U.S
Jackie Chan: really ? cool. i am an actor myself
Balayya: i am a great actor
Jackie Chan: says who
Balayya: myself
Jackie Chan: (blank face) Good for you. they say i am a good actor too. i won a couple oscars also
Balayya: i won a couple vamsee berkeley awards
Jackie Chan: i can see that
Balayya: my father was greatest actor in the world
Jackie Chan: (surprised) dont tell me you are paul newman s only son
Balayya: i am tenth son of NTR
Jackie Chan: who is NTR
Balayya: he is the greatest actor in the world
Jackie Chan: wow and all these days i was wondering if that would be paul newman or Marlon
Brando. can you name a movie of your father s ?
Balayya: superman
Jackie Chan: now you confuse me. i thought christopher reeves was superman
Balayya: acting is in my blood
Jackie Chan: interesting. i have haemoglobin in my blood
Balayya: my father was a great actor
Jackie Chan: youve said that before
Balayya: ok. theres not much more to talk for me
Jackie Chan: i would love to see some of your work
Balayya: (pulls a DVD out of his bag) here watch this
Jackie Chan: what is it
Balayya: its my latest movie seema simham .. which means lion of the area
Jackie Chan: interesting. After seeing the DVD for five minutes
Jackie Chan: (turning towards air hostess) can i be moved to a different seat please
Balayya: (smiles and shakes head)
After conversation with Balayya he moved to a another
seat in the same flight and it happens to be a next seat
of Jr.NTR. EVen Jr.Ntr doesn t that his Jackie Chan
Their conversation goes like this:
Jackie Chan: I couldn t believe that guy was saying his father NTR was the greatest actor in the world.
Jr.NTR: Nandamuri Taraka Rama RAo, NTR, is the greatest actor in the world and my babai (uncle) is next to him
Jackie Chan (with a surprise): Who are you?
Jr.NTR: I am the true successor of the great legend NTR.
Jackie Chan : Anyway, who are you???
Jr.NTR: NTR is my tata garu: it means his my grand father. He is always with me even though he is in the heaven. MY babai....
Jackie Chan: (cuts his conversation and says) Oh God, are you also an actor?
Jr.NTR: Yes, Even though my babai doesn t talk to me his blessing are always with me. His movies are inspired me. My babi and my tata ..
Jackie Chan: (again ineterrupts his talk and he doesn t want to talk anymore about movies and he wants to shift the conversation to something else)
Jackie Chan: ARe you married?
Jr.NTR: NO, but, I fell in love with the beautiful girl in the world.
Jackie Chan with a surprise looks) dont tell me you are in love with Kournikova
Jr.NTR: No, I am in love with sameera
Jackie Chan: Who is she?
JR.NTR : you dont know her (surprise in his face). She is pretty, I cannot explain it you. But, I promised my mom and to the industry people that I never propose her to marry me.
Jackie Chan: Why?
Jr.NTR: They think it spoils my carrer.
Jackie Chan: Dont say that Holly wood industry said to you like that
Jr.NTR: NO Tollywood industry. My tata and my babai are responsible for raising of tollywood industry to this level. MY babai acted in two great movies. He really inspired me......
Jackie Chan ( angry, frustrated and cuts his bajana and asks): what is your name?
Jr.NTR: NTR, my mother put this name because my tata and my babai......
Jackie Chan is so confused and ready to get down of that flight at next stop because the next
available empty seat is besides no other than Mr.Nandamuri kalyanram
balayya and magic mirror
balakrishana fans call him as balayya in front of magic mirror.
Posted by sattibabuattili at 4:42 AM 1 comments
Labels: balakrishna fun, balayya comedy, balayya fun, balayya jokes
Saturday, June 14, 2008
balayya moods
balayya moods
Posted by sattibabuattili at 10:29 PM 1 comments
Labels: balayya comedy, balayya fun, balayya images, balayya in hollywood bollywood, funny balayya
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The Conversation between balayya and AishwaryaRai
Hilarious conversation between Balayya and Aishwarya Rai
Nandamuri Bala Krishna (balayya) desperately wanted to rope in the
India's sizzling hot actess Aishwarya Rai in his next movie - Ambika
Productions or whatever. So he called up Aish. This is how the
conversation happened--
balayya: Hello Aishwarya jee, I am balakrishna
Aish: WHO???
balayya: It is me Aish jee, late N.T Rama Rao son. You
don't know me?
Aish: Which one? I heard he's got almost a dozen of
them.
balayya: Even I don't remeber which one. Do you read news
papers?
Aish: Yes, I do. why?
balayya: I did shooting last year and it came in all newspapers. It was
shown in TV also
Aish: Oh... So you just started ur career?
balayya: ababa nee yabba. No Aish jee. I mean not film shooting. Gun
shooting.
Aish: What???? You shot someone?
balayya: Yes. I shot the producer and one more guy. but i shot in the back
seat. So no death happened. You don't worry. I don't shoot heroines
Aish: You shot someone and You still doing films? How come?
Aren't u supposed to be in Jail?
balayya: hahahaha. kya Aish jee. tum bhi. I said I have mental.
but in real I dont have mental. I just acted. very big action.
It is in our family.
Aish: What is that in your family? Mental????
balayya: No Aish jee. Action is in our family. in our blood.
Aish: oh!
balayya: And they really belived i am mental. hahaha
Aish: You bet. I have already started to believe it.
balayya: what?
Aish: Nothing. You go ahead
balayya: I want u act with me as heroine in my new film.
Aish: Let me see ur pic? where can i see it?
balayya: You go to and see my pics. I am dancing
with katarnak kaif.
Aish: Yeah. I am there. What do I have to look for?
balayya: I don't know. I don't know internet. My director showed me on
his computer
Aish: Oh! Ok I will find myself. By the way it's katrina kaif
not katarnak kaif: But I call ker kathi. It is easy for me.
Aish: You look very short. How tall are u?
balayya: 5'5"
Aish: What?? I am 5'9"
balayya: So what? I wear very high heel shoes. always u dont wear shoes.
Problem solve. You acted in one movie with salman no?
Aish: Yeah but he has a great body and u r a fat azz with a big tummy
balayya: That no problem. I never do in-shirt. Always shirt outside only
Aish: Was that a wig u wearing in the pics?
balayya: Yes. I have hair. But not enough for films you know.
But don't worry. I have hair all over my body except on head.
Aish: In all my previous movies i ran my fingers through hero's hair? I
can't do that to u right?
balayya: No problem. You can do with my chest hair. that way it is romantic
also. My fans like my romance very much.
Aish: Ok. I wanna know u better. tell me about your last film
balayya: Oh. It is a movie called vijayendra varma. Power of Indian.
in that I made lot of actions. u shud see that film. i fight with Pakistan.
i don't know Hindi no? so i speak telugu with them. they understood.
but public did not understand. that’s why it became flop. i wanted to
shoot producer gain but already one case was going on no?
Aish: u spoke in telugu with Pakistanis? wow! why you
talking to me in English?
balayya: you very beautiful gal no? that’s why. so when u coming Hyderabad for
my film?
Aish: whattttt? do u think i am crazy to do a film
with you?
balayya: why? how much money u want? my producer will pay any
much u want otherwise i will shoot him no?
Aish: these days telugu songs are being played in channel V and MTV.
what would my friends think about me if they see me dancing with you?
balayya: pleaseeeeeeeeeeee
Aish: shut up and go shoot urself.
Dr Jayaprakash Narayanan's Profile
Dr. Jayaprakash Narayan is a physician by training who went into the Indian Administrative Service in the aftermath of the Emergency and failure of the Janata Experiment. He was a topper in the IAS exam. During the 16 years of distinguished public service in various capacities, he acquired a formidable reputation in the State of Andhra Pradesh.
Some of his major accomplishments while in government
• As Joint Collector, he worked for the speedy rehabilitation of 8000 youth from displaced families of Visakhapatnam Steel Plant
• As Collector of Prakasm of District, he was instrumental in the creation of a record 2,00,000 acres of irrigation , the largest such program with direct participation of people
• As Collector of East Godavari District, he spearheaded the reconstruction of drainage and irrigation network in Krishna and Godavari deltas.
• He served as Secretary to both Governor and Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh.
• He worked on strengthening of the credit cooperatives and making them independent of government control.
His other accomplishments include several major policy initiatives, including
• empowerment of parents in schools
• speedy justice through rural courts
• economic reform and restructuring of AP
• development of the Infocity in Hyderabad
• the much-acclaimed law for self reliant cooperatives (1995)
• empowerment of local governments and stakeholders
In spite of an impressive personal achievement, Dr Narayan's experience in government convinced him that faulty governance process was the biggest hurdle to India and Indians achieving greater success. And what India needs today is a fundamental change in the rules of the game and not a periodic change of players.
In order to translate his vision into practical reality, he resigned from Service (IAS) in 1996, and worked with like-minded colleagues for the formation of Lok Satta and is currently its National Coordinator. Lok Satta has now emerged as India is leading civil society initiative for governance reforms. It has wide reach, name recognition, credibility and passive support of about 20% of the population of Andhra Pradesh. Lok Satta is now building alliances across India. State-level initiatives are encouraged based on Lok Satta's experience. These initiatives in a few major states will then build a common platform for national effort for governance reform. Lok Satta is primarily focusing on Maharashtra, West Bengal, Tamil Nadu, Karnataka, Orissa and Gujarat in this quest for building a national platform.
Dr. Narayan has been felicitated with several laurels.
In 2002
• Honored with the "Rotary Manav Seva Award 2002" for his crusade against corruption
• awarded the "Yudhvir Memorial Award 2002" for his outstanding contribution to the cause of good governance.
In 2003
• Awarded the "Dr.Rustam D.Ranji Rotary Award" by Rotary Club of India, September.
In 2004
• Awarded the "D. Ch.Tirupathi Raju Memorial Award 2004" in appreciation of his vision in terms of identifying the need of establishing a people's forum like Lok Satta and further developmental work done by it to bring in sustainable measures in the area of democratic governance, July.
• Honored with prestigious "Dr.Pinnamaneni Sita Devi Foundation Award", December.
In 2005
• Honored with the "Bharat Asmita Jana Jagran Shreshta" - a Bharat Asmita National Award by MIT School of Management, Pune in recognition as the best performer in the area of Public Awakening, February.
• Felicitated by the Hyderabad Software Exporters Association, Hyderabad in recognition for his contribution to the growth of IT industry in Andhra Pradesh and his efforts towards ushering democratic reforms in the country, February.
Dr Jayaprakash Narayan has served on the following panels
• The National Advisory Council (NAC) constituted by the United Progressive Alliance government to advise the government on the implementation of the National Common Minimum Programme, July 2004-August 2006.
• Vigilance Advisory Council constituted by the Central Vigilance Commission, November,2004.
• Second Administrative Reforms Commission constituted by the Government of India under the Chairmanship of Veerappa Moily, September 2005.
In 2006, he initiated the launch of Lok Satta Party a movement for new political culture in the state of Andhra Pradesh and is serving as its National Coordinator.
Some of his major accomplishments while in government
• As Joint Collector, he worked for the speedy rehabilitation of 8000 youth from displaced families of Visakhapatnam Steel Plant
• As Collector of Prakasm of District, he was instrumental in the creation of a record 2,00,000 acres of irrigation , the largest such program with direct participation of people
• As Collector of East Godavari District, he spearheaded the reconstruction of drainage and irrigation network in Krishna and Godavari deltas.
• He served as Secretary to both Governor and Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh.
• He worked on strengthening of the credit cooperatives and making them independent of government control.
His other accomplishments include several major policy initiatives, including
• empowerment of parents in schools
• speedy justice through rural courts
• economic reform and restructuring of AP
• development of the Infocity in Hyderabad
• the much-acclaimed law for self reliant cooperatives (1995)
• empowerment of local governments and stakeholders
In spite of an impressive personal achievement, Dr Narayan's experience in government convinced him that faulty governance process was the biggest hurdle to India and Indians achieving greater success. And what India needs today is a fundamental change in the rules of the game and not a periodic change of players.
In order to translate his vision into practical reality, he resigned from Service (IAS) in 1996, and worked with like-minded colleagues for the formation of Lok Satta and is currently its National Coordinator. Lok Satta has now emerged as India is leading civil society initiative for governance reforms. It has wide reach, name recognition, credibility and passive support of about 20% of the population of Andhra Pradesh. Lok Satta is now building alliances across India. State-level initiatives are encouraged based on Lok Satta's experience. These initiatives in a few major states will then build a common platform for national effort for governance reform. Lok Satta is primarily focusing on Maharashtra, West Bengal, Tamil Nadu, Karnataka, Orissa and Gujarat in this quest for building a national platform.
Dr. Narayan has been felicitated with several laurels.
In 2002
• Honored with the "Rotary Manav Seva Award 2002" for his crusade against corruption
• awarded the "Yudhvir Memorial Award 2002" for his outstanding contribution to the cause of good governance.
In 2003
• Awarded the "Dr.Rustam D.Ranji Rotary Award" by Rotary Club of India, September.
In 2004
• Awarded the "D. Ch.Tirupathi Raju Memorial Award 2004" in appreciation of his vision in terms of identifying the need of establishing a people's forum like Lok Satta and further developmental work done by it to bring in sustainable measures in the area of democratic governance, July.
• Honored with prestigious "Dr.Pinnamaneni Sita Devi Foundation Award", December.
In 2005
• Honored with the "Bharat Asmita Jana Jagran Shreshta" - a Bharat Asmita National Award by MIT School of Management, Pune in recognition as the best performer in the area of Public Awakening, February.
• Felicitated by the Hyderabad Software Exporters Association, Hyderabad in recognition for his contribution to the growth of IT industry in Andhra Pradesh and his efforts towards ushering democratic reforms in the country, February.
Dr Jayaprakash Narayan has served on the following panels
• The National Advisory Council (NAC) constituted by the United Progressive Alliance government to advise the government on the implementation of the National Common Minimum Programme, July 2004-August 2006.
• Vigilance Advisory Council constituted by the Central Vigilance Commission, November,2004.
• Second Administrative Reforms Commission constituted by the Government of India under the Chairmanship of Veerappa Moily, September 2005.
In 2006, he initiated the launch of Lok Satta Party a movement for new political culture in the state of Andhra Pradesh and is serving as its National Coordinator.
What Sofware Engineer wants....Tooo gud
An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He
booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of
his life.
At least for a while.
A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly.
The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no
other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
Used to five-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the
next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his
old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the
corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous
woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him.
In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said.
"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had
survived. How many of you are there?
You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing did."
He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that I
found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I
wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from
aeucalyptus tree."
"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or
hardware - how did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the
island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I
found that if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into
forgeable ductile iron.
I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.
But enough of that. Where do you live?"
Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach
the whole time.
"Well, let's row over to my place then," she said.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before
him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue
and white.
While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but
I call it home. Sit down, please.
Would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another
drop of coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still -
How about a Pinacolada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer
accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm
going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have
a shower and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the
bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There
in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed
to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel
mechanism.
"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When he returned, the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit
down next to her.
"Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, brushing
her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very long time.
You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like
doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these
months."
She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing -
this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day.
.
.
.
.
.
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..
..
..
.
"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of
his life.
At least for a while.
A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly.
The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no
other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
Used to five-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the
next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his
old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the
corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous
woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him.
In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said.
"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had
survived. How many of you are there?
You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing did."
He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that I
found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I
wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from
aeucalyptus tree."
"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or
hardware - how did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the
island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I
found that if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into
forgeable ductile iron.
I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.
But enough of that. Where do you live?"
Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach
the whole time.
"Well, let's row over to my place then," she said.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before
him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue
and white.
While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but
I call it home. Sit down, please.
Would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another
drop of coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still -
How about a Pinacolada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer
accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm
going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have
a shower and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the
bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There
in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed
to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel
mechanism.
"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When he returned, the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit
down next to her.
"Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, brushing
her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very long time.
You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like
doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these
months."
She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing -
this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
..
..
.
"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
NEVER ask a HR manager for a salary increase!
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the
Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his
HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR
Manager his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to
sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm . i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So , what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how
many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing
Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
if you think of it throughly, there's actually some redundancy
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the
Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his
HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR
Manager his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to
sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm . i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So , what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how
many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing
Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
if you think of it throughly, there's actually some redundancy
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left
it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he
was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a
piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left
it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he
was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a
piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Sayings after people get drunk
1. Tu to Mera bhai hai...bhai!!!
2. You know i am not drunk...
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...
5. Tu bura mat maann bhai...
6. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
7. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
8. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
9. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
10. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
11. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
12. Chhote, Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...lovely waala !!!
13. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
14. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
15. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna....
16. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
17. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
18. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
19. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
20. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
21. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek
aur peg !!!
22. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun… and the best one...
23. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
Salla... aajse daru band........ .......!!!
2. You know i am not drunk...
3. Gaadi mein Chalaunga...
5. Tu bura mat maann bhai...
6. Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu...
7. Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar....
8. Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??
9. Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai...
10. Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu...
11. Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee...
12. Chhote, Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae...lovely waala !!!
13. Baap ko mat Sikhao…
14. Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya...
15. Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna....
16. Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye...Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???
17. Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee...shart laga saala aaj tu..
18. Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska...
19. Saale teri bhabhie hai wo…bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko…
20. Yaar tu samjha kar.. wo tere layak nahi hai…
21. chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye chodh diya usko.. aaj se wo teri…bana issi baat par ek – ek
aur peg !!!
22. Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai... abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun… and the best one...
23. Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai
And Finally...
Salla... aajse daru band........ .......!!!
Ramayana as explained by new generation
A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of 'Diwali' to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...
'So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kinda b*tch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his chick(Sita) and his bro(Laxman) along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary sh*t... really man...they had monkeys and devils and sh*t like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...so he was like..., Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or sh*t like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and sh*t...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty coooooooooool thing...you know with all those fireworks n stuff...
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.'
'So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kinda b*tch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his chick(Sita) and his bro(Laxman) along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary sh*t... really man...they had monkeys and devils and sh*t like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...so he was like..., Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or sh*t like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and sh*t...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty coooooooooool thing...you know with all those fireworks n stuff...
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.'
What happens if 1 rupee = 45 dollars
Scene 1
Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w
engineers are seeing some photographs.
Software Engineer 1 : What's that?
Software Engineer 2 : Bob's photographs from India .
Software Engineer 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
Software Engineer 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Himayatnagar, Hyderabad
Software Engineer 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.
Software Engineer 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan…
Software Engineer 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs?
Nearly 60K…..
Say it in dollars… (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)
Software Engineer 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
Software Engineer 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.
[Everybody excited.]
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
SCENE 2
Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California, US
Software Engineer 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will
fly to India
Software Engineer 2: Ohhh…. When is the party?
Software Engineer 1: When I get it on hand.
Software Engineer 2: Where will you be working?
Software Engineer 1 : I'll be working in Amberpet
Software Engineer 2 : Oh! Amberpet. Great yaar. where it is…
Software Engineer 1 : It is in Hyd.
Software Engineer 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California.
You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in Bhongir…
He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.
Software Engineer 2 : Who is the client yaar?
Software Engineer 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Hyderabad ?
Software Engineer 3 : Yeah. MCH. One of my friends is there in
the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are
working in the cutting edge of technology there.
Software Engineer 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of
the GCU.
Software Engineer 2: GCU? what it means…?
Software Engineer 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
Software Engineer 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about
that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like
here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control.
I hate this.
Software Engineer 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my
Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.
[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
SCENE 3
Venue: IBM, New York, US
(Conversation between a Male Software Engineer. and Female Software Engineer.)
Male : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing
his Ph.D in J.N.T.U and he's coming here for a month. His study
will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in MSCB. We planned to
settle in Hyd itself… I'm also planning to work there. Let's see…
Male: Good luck… dont forget us & US…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
SCENE 4
Venue: Intel Corp. US
Software Engineer 1: Great news guys. Our George has got
admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A
great new field yaar…
All are excited…
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
Software Engineer 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
Software Engineer 1 : B.A in Histroy…ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there!!
Software Engineer 2 :Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees / year.
Software Engineer 1 : Great. Enjoy.
Software Engineer 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees…!
that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars… with that amount I can buy an
three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here…!!!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
SCENE 5
A foreigner working in Hyderabad as Software Engg gets
a call from his Home ..
Father : What are you doing son ?
Software Engineer : Having breakfast ?
Father : what are you eating ?
Software Engineer: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread i.e.,(Idli and Chutney)
Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US Some s/w
engineers are seeing some photographs.
Software Engineer 1 : What's that?
Software Engineer 2 : Bob's photographs from India .
Software Engineer 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
Software Engineer 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Himayatnagar, Hyderabad
Software Engineer 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.
Software Engineer 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan…
Software Engineer 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs?
Nearly 60K…..
Say it in dollars… (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)
Software Engineer 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
Software Engineer 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.
[Everybody excited.]
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
SCENE 2
Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California, US
Software Engineer 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will
fly to India
Software Engineer 2: Ohhh…. When is the party?
Software Engineer 1: When I get it on hand.
Software Engineer 2: Where will you be working?
Software Engineer 1 : I'll be working in Amberpet
Software Engineer 2 : Oh! Amberpet. Great yaar. where it is…
Software Engineer 1 : It is in Hyd.
Software Engineer 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California.
You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in Bhongir…
He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.
Software Engineer 2 : Who is the client yaar?
Software Engineer 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Hyderabad ?
Software Engineer 3 : Yeah. MCH. One of my friends is there in
the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are
working in the cutting edge of technology there.
Software Engineer 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of
the GCU.
Software Engineer 2: GCU? what it means…?
Software Engineer 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
Software Engineer 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about
that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like
here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control.
I hate this.
Software Engineer 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my
Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.
[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
SCENE 3
Venue: IBM, New York, US
(Conversation between a Male Software Engineer. and Female Software Engineer.)
Male : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing
his Ph.D in J.N.T.U and he's coming here for a month. His study
will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in MSCB. We planned to
settle in Hyd itself… I'm also planning to work there. Let's see…
Male: Good luck… dont forget us & US…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
SCENE 4
Venue: Intel Corp. US
Software Engineer 1: Great news guys. Our George has got
admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A
great new field yaar…
All are excited…
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
Software Engineer 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
Software Engineer 1 : B.A in Histroy…ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there!!
Software Engineer 2 :Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees / year.
Software Engineer 1 : Great. Enjoy.
Software Engineer 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees…!
that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars… with that amount I can buy an
three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here…!!!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
SCENE 5
A foreigner working in Hyderabad as Software Engg gets
a call from his Home ..
Father : What are you doing son ?
Software Engineer : Having breakfast ?
Father : what are you eating ?
Software Engineer: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread i.e.,(Idli and Chutney)
Sardar ji's Technology
A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton.
Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me.
He takes him to a forest.
Bill: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it.
Bill: more...more...more... Sardarji went up to 100 feet.
Bill: So now, try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have
telephones.
Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India. Next year Bill
was in India
Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest.
Sardarji : Dig it. Bill does.
Sardarji : more...more...more... Bill goes up to almost 400 feet..
Sardarji : try to find something. Bill tries.
Sardarji : Did you get anything? Bill : No, there is nothing here.
Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS network..
Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me.
He takes him to a forest.
Bill: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it.
Bill: more...more...more... Sardarji went up to 100 feet.
Bill: So now, try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have
telephones.
Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India. Next year Bill
was in India
Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest.
Sardarji : Dig it. Bill does.
Sardarji : more...more...more... Bill goes up to almost 400 feet..
Sardarji : try to find something. Bill tries.
Sardarji : Did you get anything? Bill : No, there is nothing here.
Sardarji : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS network..
What does WIFE stand for..
Worries Invited For Ever
Wonderful instrument for Entertainment
With Idiot For Ever
Wonder intimate fullfilling enterprising
Wife is a Knife which cuts ur life
wonderful instrument for enjoyment
Woman in financial emergency.
Frds Keep adding your definition!! .....
Wonderful instrument for Entertainment
With Idiot For Ever
Wonder intimate fullfilling enterprising
Wife is a Knife which cuts ur life
wonderful instrument for enjoyment
Woman in financial emergency.
Frds Keep adding your definition!! .....
Life Explained - in a different manner
On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.
On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for next ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.
On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for next ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Crazy jokes...
What is the Opposite of STD - No TD.
Why Mosquitoes do not fly above the sea - Because Tortoise lives in the sea.
Why B is affected by cold - It is in between AC.
Two elephants went inside a sugarcane farm, one ate sugarcane but the other didn't, why is it so - The other
elephant is Diabetic.
A crow laid egg while it was flying but the egg didn't break, How? - It was wearing Diapers.
Once an hunter was chasing an elephant, the elephant ran into a forest, on the way it met its Ant friend,
Ant : Hey, why are you running?
Elephant : Hunter is chasing me.
Ant (Generously) : You come and hide behind me.
Elephant : ??!
An elephant was discharged from an hospital after an operation, on the way he met his friend Ant, the ant
said something to the elephant, on hearing that the elephant fainted, what was that? - It said "I only gave blood
for your operation".
While chatting at the beach, the lovers spoke to each other:
female : Oh! my dear, we are lovers for more than three years now.
Have you not thought about our marriage?
If I regret, will you feel bad?
male : I will discuss this matter with my wife and let you know
tomorrow.
female : [without any shock or surprise, replied calmly] You are also
married!
male : "...."
Proverbs(?): "Golden" Words of College Students
1) "Most certainly common sense would check many divorces".
"Yes, it would prevent just as many marriages".
2) APOLOGY : Something said which you didn't really mean.
3) It's quite easy to be good and lazy. It takes a lot of energy and imagination to be active and naughty.
4) Worries are hereditary, parents have them from their sons and daughters.
5) Drinking a soft drink with a straw is like kissing a girl through proxy.
Why Mosquitoes do not fly above the sea - Because Tortoise lives in the sea.
Why B is affected by cold - It is in between AC.
Two elephants went inside a sugarcane farm, one ate sugarcane but the other didn't, why is it so - The other
elephant is Diabetic.
A crow laid egg while it was flying but the egg didn't break, How? - It was wearing Diapers.
Once an hunter was chasing an elephant, the elephant ran into a forest, on the way it met its Ant friend,
Ant : Hey, why are you running?
Elephant : Hunter is chasing me.
Ant (Generously) : You come and hide behind me.
Elephant : ??!
An elephant was discharged from an hospital after an operation, on the way he met his friend Ant, the ant
said something to the elephant, on hearing that the elephant fainted, what was that? - It said "I only gave blood
for your operation".
While chatting at the beach, the lovers spoke to each other:
female : Oh! my dear, we are lovers for more than three years now.
Have you not thought about our marriage?
If I regret, will you feel bad?
male : I will discuss this matter with my wife and let you know
tomorrow.
female : [without any shock or surprise, replied calmly] You are also
married!
male : "...."
Proverbs(?): "Golden" Words of College Students
1) "Most certainly common sense would check many divorces".
"Yes, it would prevent just as many marriages".
2) APOLOGY : Something said which you didn't really mean.
3) It's quite easy to be good and lazy. It takes a lot of energy and imagination to be active and naughty.
4) Worries are hereditary, parents have them from their sons and daughters.
5) Drinking a soft drink with a straw is like kissing a girl through proxy.
The Three answers by a girl!!!!!!! (lol) Too Funny...
This is absolutely correct….
(Three answers most feared by men)
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
(Three answers most feared by men)
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
How to start your day at IT Job with a positive attitude...
1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it " Boss "
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?
HAVE A NICE DAY
2. Name it " Boss "
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?
HAVE A NICE DAY
Even God has a Sense of Humor!!
God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
One of the angels asked...
"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"
God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA",
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
The angel was quite surprised:
"But god you said everything should be in balance."
God replied -- "Look at the neighbours I gave them."
And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
One of the angels asked...
"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"
God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA",
My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....
The angel was quite surprised:
"But god you said everything should be in balance."
God replied -- "Look at the neighbours I gave them."
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